My deepest fear

The other night Roderick started to watch a documentary on Doomsday. Apparently on December 21, 2012, the earth, sun and a black hole in the milky way are all meant to be in alignment. This could cause a shift of the poles, which would cause devastation throughout the world. The Mayans were very accurate in everything that was in their calendar, and I can't help but be scared that this will happen. The film also said that this has happened before, some 25,000 years ago. Not to mention, in the Muslim faith the end of the world is on a Friday. December 21, 2012 just so happens to fall on a Friday. Coincidence?

I always thought that maybe something would happen on that date, but I was thinking more along the lines of a shift in society. That we would all have to learn how to get along and live in peace, so as not to kill each other off.

But what if the poles do shift, and there are earthquakes and all sorts of natural disasters?

I am not afraid to die. However, I am afraid of dying without fully living. I want to experience what it's like to get married, to have children, grandchildren even, I want to travel the world more and meet new people, see some amazing things. I am not ready to die, not now. But if it happens, then so be it. I'm more terrified of the fact that if something did happen, in the off chance that I was still alive after it all, I'd be thousands of miles away from my family (if they were still alive!) and the place that I'm most comfortable in. In the event of some soft of apocalypse, I'd be able to survive in Canada, I don't think I'd be able to survive in Pakistan. I don't speak the language, I don't know the area, I wouldn't be able to make my way home for years and years and years, if ever, because I'm sure all the planes, boats, and everything needed to build them would be gone, and I'd have no way of contacting my family. This is my biggest fear. And I've not told anyone, until now...

I'll be missing you

Well Roderick is home from his two week training course in Virginia/North Carolina with a sweet as tan! (And no, that is not a spelling error.) He had a good time, but what man wouldn't when he spent his days shooting guns and playing paint ball? Lucky duck.

I had my first minor meltdown the other night when he informed me that we'd most likely have to say goodbye to the animals in two weeks time. Two weeks? That's far too soon. I was hoping we'd say goodbye the night before we left, even though I know that's not realistic. But two weeks? It just broke my heart to think that I may only have two weeks left with them, and what if I never see them again? I know I shouldn't think like that, but it's true. What if something happens to me? Or them? Cougar is getting up there, he's 10 years old now. If we stay in Pakistan for four years, he'd be 14. And while Fawkes and Mya are both still young, anything could happen. Honestly, I don't know how I am going to do this. They are my babies and this is going to be the hardest thing I've ever done.

In saying that, I hope nobody takes that the wrong way. Of course it's going to be difficult to say goodbye to all of you, especially my parents and my siblings, but I've done this before. I moved to Holland. I moved to Ottawa. And while Ottawa really isn't that far away, I only go home every 3-6 months for a couple of days, spending only a few hours with everyone. Nobody ever calls me, and while I try to call people every once in awhile, sometimes life gets in the way and I just never get around to it. Whereas when I lived in Holland, I made sure to call every week or two. So it's almost a guarantee that I'll talk to my family more when I live in Pakistan, than I do now. Sad to say, but it's true.

Anyway, back to the point... I already know what it's like to leave my family behind. But I have no idea what it's like to leave my babies, my animals. They are always here for me, no matter what. I take Mya for 1-2 walks everyday, she keeps me busy and I love spending time with her at the dog park or just wandering around base. And Fawkes and Cougar are such cuddle bugs, if I'm having a bad day I know they'll be there to snuggle up with and watch a movie.

Yep, it's safe to say I'll be a freakin' mess when that day comes!

"Every step I take, every move I make

Every single day, every time I pray

I'll be missing you"

Mother's Day

Well I did make it back to Oshawa with my in-laws, and spent a week and a half there. It was good to see family and friends again, and I was even able to spend Mother's Day with my mum. However, it didn't go as planned due to some family drama. There's always something, right?

As much as I love seeing everyone, I hate Oshawa. I can honestly say that I would never go back to that city if it weren't for my loved ones. It just bores me to tears. And while I don't lead an exceptionally exciting life here in Ottawa, there's always something to do, somewhere to go, something new to see.

Cougar is meowing at my bedroom door, wanting to come in. But he's such a cuddle bug and is so distracting when I have something to do.

Roderick is currently in the States for training and I miss him terribly. He won't be back until the 26th of May and it will have been a whole 3 weeks apart. He wants to plan a trip to Boston before we move, and I hope it happens! I've always wanted to visit before and he was really young the one time that he went. It would be a fun little roadtrip so I am going to keep my fingers crossed.

Still not sure when our last trip to Oshawa will be, but I will keep you all posted.

Just another update

I cannot believe that it's May, where did the time go? Now I just need these next two months to go by in a hurry so that I can just get to Pakistan already!

And now that I am unemployed, I'm afraid the days might just drag by. But hopefully I can keep myself busy. My in-laws are coming to visit this weekend, and I am hoping to head back to Oshawa with them on Sunday, provided my father-in-law can fix my car. There's something going on with the brakes we think, and right now it won't move. So if he can fix it on Saturday, then I can follow them back on Sunday, and hang out in Oshawa for a week or so. But then I'd be left having to drive the 4 hours back to Ottawa all by myself, which I've never done before. And I've only driven on a highway twice. This could get interesting.

I should probably get back to cleaning, but I'm feeling a wee bit lazy at the moment and I'm just waiting for Dr. Phil to come on.

Roderick's new birth certificate came in the mail the other day, so we were finally able to hand in our visa and passport applications. Hopefully there aren't anymore issues with that because it's been stressing me out. And what's up with the shitty new birth certificates? The darn thing was paper thin. At least before they were a bit thicker.

Oh, and we were finally told how much weight we're allowed to ship to Pakistan. At first we were told 500 lbs, then 850 lbs, and now, for sure, 7,850 lbs. Thank the Gods! I'm not really sure how much that is but hopefully we don't go over it. At least now we'll be able to bring everything we want and need - such as golf clubs, bicycles, linens, pots and pans, guitars, drum set, computers, clothes, books, etc. The house over there is furnished, which is helpful, and we are putting most of our belongings in storage here in Canada. I'd like to bring some artwork and other little things to make it feel like home, like my keepsake boxes and scrapbooks, but I'd hate for something to happen and lose them forever. So it's best that they stay here. I'll pack some photos, at least those are replaceable as most of them are online, and bring some candles and other little knick knacks that aren't as sentimental to me.

Now I just have the task of creating that darn excel spreadsheet of literally everything we own, including serial numbers for the big items! Bloody hell.

Animaniacs!

When we first found out that we were going to Pakistan, we weren't sure what we were going to do about the animals. Do we take them with us? Do we leave them behind? What kinds of food do they have there? Could we buy a two year supply here and ship it over there? Are there dog parks? Who would take care of them when we went on vacation? All these questions were going through our minds, and we were so confused. One day they were coming with us, the next day they were staying behind.

But it's finally settled, I think. Roderick's parents will take care of them for the two years (or longer) that we're gone for. I really don't want to leave them behind but their quality of living won't be the same there as it is here in Canada. I want to bring them, because they really are my babies, but it just wouldn't be fair to them. Not to mention -- the big reason we aren't bringing them, the 3 months of quarantine they would require! I have an 80lb German Shepherd and there's no way I could put her in a tiny kennel, all alone, for 3 months. She'd never be the same again!

I'm really going to miss my furbabies while we're gone but I just need to keep reminding myself - It's all for the best!

 Mya, our Sable German Shepherd. She's 2 and is such a good girl!

 My baby Fawkes, Rod gave him to me for my 24th birthday! He's named after Dumbledore's phoenix in the Harry Potter series. Yup, cause I'm a nerd like that.

 Fawkes and Cougar, the newest addition to our family. He's a Tonkinese and is such a cuddle bug.

Becoming a Diplomat

What a long week this has been! We've spent every day from 7:30am until 4pm (sometimes longer) at the Department of Foreign Affairs and International Trade, sitting in on various lectures and seminars to learn more about this new posting. Most of it has been quite informative, like learning about spousal employment and what we can do to help us get jobs while we're overseas, while others have just been downright boring. However, quite necessary. Today the lecture was held in a different building, across the river in Quebec. It was probably my favourite day thus far, as being in a new atmosphere helped to break the week up a little bit. Our "teacher" was great to listen to and had lots of advice to give, as she'd lived in several different countries over in Asia and around the world. We also had a chance to speak to a Pakistani man and he gave us a little more insight as to what it's like over there. Tomorrow is the last day and while this whole week has given me a lot of information and was very helpful, I can't wait for it to be over. The days are long, sitting in an auditorium and listening to people speak for hours, and I just want to be able to relax, clean the house, and sleep in!

I've had a chance to get to know a few of the other military spouses who are accompanying their husbands on various missions across the world, and it's good to get their perspective as most have been overseas before. And while I have spent 16 months living in the Netherlands and went there on my own, the Netherlands is a lot different from Pakistan and other such countries. So all in all, a very productive week.

But like I said, I just want to be able to sleep in and not have to wake up at 5:45 in the morning. And to spend some quality time with my animals! Poor babies, they've been so neglected this week.

Roderick still has two more weeks of training, it'll be a bit more indepth and relating to his job that he'll be doing over there. Then he's off to the States for, yet again, more training! And we still haven't handed in our passport or visa forms because we've run into some issues - they didn't like my photos because there was a teeny tiny bit of a flash, not even in my eyes, just the corner of the glasses, and then his birth certificate was a bit torn around the edges. We sent off for a new one and it should be here any day now. Once those are handed in, and come back okay, I can relax a little bit. Right now I'm so scared that something is going to go wrong and we won't be able to go! And we've already spent thousands of dollars preparing for this. Suits for him, proper outfits for me (to attend these suit & tie meetings all week), passport photos (can you believe Walmart charges $14.95 for two freakin' photos? and they required a lot. $186 later...), immunizations for me, doctors, dentists, optometrists, and then things like shampoo that we'll want to take with us. Thank gosh Walmart is good for something and had a sale on Herbal Essences at $2 a bottle.

And then of course I still have the task of getting my security clearance and they need to know all my employers from the past 10 years! Do you think I could remember? It took some effort and I had to contact some old colleagues of mine, but I got them all. Now I just need to remember the names of my supervisors! *sigh*

Oh, and in regards to my last post, unless a temporary job falls into my lap, I won't be looking for work. Too much to do, too little time.

Appointments done, commence job hunting.

After weeks of running around to various appointments and having to take time off of work, it's all over! Well, the appointments that is. And what a pain in the butt they were! Due to the fact that I don't have a family doctor, it was difficult to get the forms signed, and without those signatures, I wouldn't be going anywhere. It was a bit of a nightmare but finally they're all signed off and handed in to the appropriate people. What a relief!

We still have the visa applications to fill out, and some courses to go on, but it's all done for the most part. And then comes the waiting game.

I've just gotten word that our termination letters came in at work, and since we were all just temporary workers for the charter season at the airport, our last day is April 30. That's such a shame because I really enjoyed working there, and I wonder if there's much point in finding another job for just 3 months, when I'll need time off to visit family, get the house organized, etc. The one good thing about this process is that the military pays someone to come in and pack everything for us. I've just got to organize it into two sections, what's going with us, and what's going in storage. And I've also got to create an Excel spreadsheet of all our belongings, and what they're worth, in case things go missing. But I think I could at least find a job for May and June, and then quit early July to focus on getting the house packed up and seeing family. Wish me luck!